Stranded in Stonehenge

 

We’ve watched some TV, celebrated some good news on the house purchase and are ready to sleep, but this menopausal (more perimenopausal  but what’s ‘peri’ between friends) woman knows there’s no rest without the loo before bed. It will be fine with no step I can slide down, and I can clamber up, no problem, the bed may be chest height, but I can do this! I’m on the back door side of the bed, so for me to get out, Ian has to too, no problem he’s taller than me so if I can, he can manage.

Some 50th birthday gin gift consumption may have impacted the decision making process!

Down I go easy as anything, but what was I thinking? That bed is like a slippery sheer cliff face. Well above any possible step up, no handholds, and a duvet that is happy to engulf me as I grapple with how to master the assent. Ian is laughing away behind me forgetting he too has to climb this beast. Before I know it, I’m giggling away, weakening my abilities even further, Ian has hold of a leg, a buttock we’re both laughing and I’m going nowhere! I attempt to use the shower tray to launch me (it’s 3 cm high at best) but Ian protests I’ll break the lip and then where will we be?  

                                

Now, neither of us are slim, or agile and we both need some sleep, so I have no idea how but somehow I am launched into bed with an almighty shove from Ian. I almost launch straight through the back door, but I’m in. Ian has much longer legs than me and doesn’t have a dodgy, previously surgically reinforced arm and hip. He will get in no problem, Punch and Judy comes to mind

                                                     “Oh no he didn’t” 

He too grapples with a slippery duvet and grabs hold of me. Why he picked my dodgy arm I have no idea, but I guess in a frantic beached whale like attempt, it’s what he found. Why I put that arm out is a mystery too! Before I know it I’m heading towards the edge of the bed headfirst. This can’t happen, I can’t decent this mountain, I will never return!

It all becomes a bit of a blur, laughing, heaving, grasping, a breathless, absolutely not sleep enducing athletic endeavour, and he’s in! By God if I need a wee later, I’m holding it!

After all that, we have the best sleep we've had for ages and wake up, open the door and feel like we've found the pot of gold. Maybe we have.